My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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