i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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