this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
