roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
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I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
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You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
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