Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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