Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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