respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
