I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize