Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
