sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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