I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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