Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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