I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
