I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
