The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
