Just mADE A PArabola og urine
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
