I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
