So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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