she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
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