never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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