she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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