I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize