Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize