I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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