i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
4 words: hood of his car
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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