Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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