Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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