Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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