its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
