Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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