perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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