I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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