if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I supernannyed him into submission
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
