You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
