Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
