so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
