Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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