I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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