I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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