You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
