I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
