yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
