I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
