one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize