I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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