my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
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Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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