The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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