I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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