is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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