I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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