I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
