I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
