I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
