So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
