the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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