Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
