is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
