Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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