we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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