No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
