in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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